Thursday, December 16, 2004

The Reality Of A Dream

Some dreams just won't fade.
Where is the line between what is real and what is fake?

I had this dream a few nights ago that I just can't forget. I must have had it at least a week ago (or more) and I've played it over in my head each day since. It's almost to the point of becoming reality. I mean who's to say that it really didn't happen.....technically or figuratively.

In this dream I was with a mystery girl. I'm assuming that we were going out. But it was a short affair....and it ended in a most painful way (but don't they always?) We were sitting there in a restaurant (or were we on a train?) and we were talking - hanging out with her friends. But something was in the air - or in her drink - because suddenly we were breaking up. That is to say, she was dumping I freaked out, and the only thing I could think to do was kiss her. So I did, but she wasn't kissing me back. When I pulled away, she shot back at me with these cutting words, "You know you don't always have to leave your mark!"

"That wasn't my intention," I stuttered back in attempted defense, shocked and taken aback by such an untimely comment. She continued to bombard me with the break up spouting off her reasons why it wasn't working out and how of course it was all my fault. When she was finally done she did an aboutface and began to make her exit posthaste with her friend in tow. I stopped her in her tracks with more muttering, offering her my desperate defense. I used a pitiful "despite everything" tactic, hoping to win her back with my geniuneness and authenticity, telling her that I enjoyed her company and that it meant the world to me regardless. Her and her friend just scoffed and left. And that was the end of it.

But it wasn't the end of the dream. Oh no, the dream went on, but after that it was basically just me moping around and feeling crappy. That's nothing new though. That's more of a reality than a surreality - that's what I do everyday. But there was a strange moment later on in my dream where I overheard a conversation. Someone (who knows who?) was slandering and slamming me, sharing with a group of strangers-to-me how pitiful and horrible I am. I remember trying to figure out who it was that was spreading such hateful diatribe, but no one would fess up, and I only ended up making myself look like the fool that I guess I am. And then I woke up..........................or did I?

What does all this mean? And why can't I forget it? Is it true that I'm only out to leave my mark? Am I really that horrible of a person that friends find it necessary to betray me and strangers find reason to talk crap behind my back? Are these things happening in real life? Well, not to this extent, but maybe.

I don't have time to analyze this. I'm just happy to have it down and out in the open. Feel free to post your comments. I may add more later. ...abrupt ending...

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